a tale of innocence

I just love him. It’s like the John Green quote ‘i feel my life is so scattered right now. like it’s all these small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan. but talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. like things could actually make sense. you completely unscatter me’

He’s the only one I want. I close my eyes and he’s there and his arms are around me and it’s like when he’s there I can breathe and when he’s not I’m constantly choking. He’s my best friend..so either way I lose. I didn’t tell him I loved him so I was hurting and now I told him and lost him anyway. He says he wants someone with all of my qualities but not me. Anyone but me. Everyone else can see it but him. He says he has thought about it but he doesn’t want me. The one person I could see myself with for the rest of my life and he doesn’t want me. Lost my best friend today. I couldn’t feel more empty inside.

I wish he was excited for tonight for the same reason I am. I just can’t get enough of just being with him. Just drinking in his smell and his laugh and how when I’m with him, I’m confident and I’m happy and I’m me. 

Judging from your asshole ways, I guess it’s time to gtf over it.

He’s gonna move to London and it’s going to be one of those Ross and Rachel moments where I am standing there waiting to jump into his arms and tell him I love him but he’ll have another girl in his arms. I gave him a chance to tell me how he feels about me…but he didn’t say anything. he’s everything to me. How do you let go of that? How do I let him walk out of my life when the only thing that makes sense is him? All I want is for him to be happy. But not in London. He’s supposed to be here.

Just fricken notice. Just notice that I’m fricken in love with you and always have been and always will be. I need to you more than ever. Please…

Your best friend isn’t supposed to break your heart. I’m so in love with him. But it’ll never matter. Love. Isn’t. Enough. It never has been and it never will be. I loved him with literally every piece of my heart and he just disregarded it like it was nothing. It’s not something to be embarrassed about, loving someone. If you love someone you shout it to the mountaintops, you don’t hide it in there, deep in your heart. No, then it’s not love. If you can’t scream it then it’s not real. So I love you. You shouldn’t be ashamed or mad that I love you, you should be flattered that I took the time to tell you. That’s how I feel anyway.

him.

he loved me for so long and i never gave him a chance…even though i loved him too. now all i want is to love him and be with him. how can i prove it to him that i’m in it this time..for the long haul? how can i show him. h o w ?